Hurt
For the last 18 years of my life I have been living a life that was never truly mine. Circumstances not in my control forced me to make compromising choices that I would have never had made before. 18 years of my life was not my own. Every breath I took, ever word I spoke, every step I made, everything that I did was in vein. New truth came to light and I am having to deal with what could have been and what is now. Conflicts in what I have and what I need. The Bible tells me to push forward and not look back. The world tells me nothing. My heart tells me it's in pain. A thousand voices in my head. Peace is no where to be found. Why would God let such innocence be twisted? Why would He let something I devoted, entirely to him, to be mislead? I lived for His Glory and His Honor. I obeyed His Law and His Commandments because I wanted everything to come to be blessed. Stolen and pulled right out of my hands, my entire life.
My God. My Creator. My Protector. My Judge. Hear and feel the pain in my heart. Guide me because I am lost. Guide and Protect those who are involved.
This is a huge life altering moment for me. No joke. This is very real and that is how my heart feels right now. Hurt.
As a aircraft mechanic I look at it like this:
A pilot is flying important long trek to the other side of the world. Half way through the flight the crew chief comes onto the flight deck and tells him, "Sir, we never filled up with fuel and the tanks have been bone dry most of the flight". Of course the pilot is going to freak right out (as I am). But for some reason the aircraft (my life) never looses power and keeps on chugging along.
The problem that I am facing is a huge conflict. How do the choices and plans we make compare in respect to the plans God has?
I know what God's plan was. I know what God told me. I heard him very clearly. But a person made a choice that challenged that. Where I thought I had failed, I didn't. Now I wonder... what about God's plan?
Either way I pray that God's glory will be revealed and I will honor and praise him through this storm.
I will leave this open for moderated comment. Spam killed on sight.